Dating is not easy for everyone. You might know a few guys who seem to have all the ‘luck’. Some guys just find it easy to talk to women. Others (myself a few years ago) find it stressful.
There is no magic remedy here as much of a shy man’s problems come down to his own self-confidence. There are lots of things you can do to make boost yourself up. We’ve put together some great tips to help you get out there.
Women are just people
Contrary to popular belief, women don’t hold us under a magic spell or have some superpower that creates an invisible force field around them to keep men away. Many, just like you, are looking for love. You must have spoken to at least ONE female in your lifetime (mother, sister, neighbor, work colleague…) and they generally don’t bite. The person you are trying to chat up is basically no different from you.
Even the most extroverted person has their inner doubts and fears. They might not show them to the world, but we all have them. You are no different.
Start chatting with your female friends
Nobody understands women better than women. The task here is to spark up some chat with your female friends. You are not chatting them up, you are simply getting used to talking to them and being around them. If they are emotionally close, and you feel you can trust them, tell them about your shyness and ask for advice.
Get used to being around women and you will soon find out that they are just the same as you and me.
What makes you who you are? What is it in life that attracts you? When are you most comfortable? Knowing yourself and understanding your likes and dislikes will help you focus on partners that share your interests – rather than wasting time and effort trying to attract someone who has nothing in common with you. What’s the point in trying to chat up someone who doesn’t share your values or interests? It’s ok to have different passions, but there has to be some common ground to grow the relationship on.
When you believe in yourself, it creates a glow of confidence in you that is attractive to others. Your passion and drive will attract people to YOU!
Get out of your comfort zone
This might sound a bit contradictory to the last tip, but we only grow in confidence when we try things that push us. Getting around people and situations that are alien to us is great for increasing our self-confidence. Maybe joining a gym or taking up a new sport could be your thing. Or go along to that event or group you always thought about joining. I recently attended a survival weekend in Norway. It was hard mentally and physically, but I made new friends and learned new skills. I also realized that I was a lot more confident than I thought I was. So get out there and push your boundaries. Take a chance on something new and exciting.
Call up some of your friends who seem to be doing exciting things and offer to tag along. Be open-minded and have some fun. At the end of the day, you will have added some new life stories to your history and grown in confidence. The more you expose yourself to life, the more you become an interesting and attractive person (in my opinion anyway!)
Be interested in what women are saying
When you do finally strike up a conversation with a woman, make sure you don’t make the conversation all about you. It’s boring and they will soon drift off. Instead, ask her genuine questions – and LISTEN to her responses. Ask more genuine questions based on those responses. When they are talking, focus on what is being said. Don’t sit waiting your turn to blurt out something that popped into your head! Be mindful of the situation and the conversation.
Being shy is NOT a handicap
It is simply a condition you have become used to. Anyone can learn to increase their self-confidence. Build it up over time and learn from your mistakes. Read our post about dealing with rejection. It’s just a normal part of the dating game that we all have to go through.
Many women find shy men interesting. If they feel some attraction, they might make an effort to ‘breakthrough’ to the person inside. Shy men usually have more empathy for the world and the people around them. They are emotional and that is human.
Growing your self-confidence is all about finding out who YOU ARE! Leave dating aside for a while and focus on discovering yourself. Be bold, be wild, be brave. Get out into the world and introduce yourself to the human race. You have as much right to be here as ANYONE ELSE. It’s up to you to make the changes in your life that you so desperately want. Go do it… NOW!
p.s. a strange thing may happen when the world meets the new confident you… people might start asking YOU out. I look forward to hearing about your successes.