The Big Break Up
If you coming out of a long term relationship, you need to be prepared for the road ahead.
I am writing this as a man with experience. I have been there. No amount of advice can properly prepare you for the changes about to take place in your life, but simply knowing I wasn’t the only guy in history to go through a major break-up (aka divorce) was of some comfort to me. There is help out there in the form of professional counselling and talking therapy. Park your manly pride and get some help. You will thank yourself in years to come. Here are a few things I picked up along the way…
Accept The Situation For What It Is
There is a saying going about, ‘It is what it is‘. I first heard on Love Island, and while it is a quick and useful way of dealing with an issue, it doesn’t solve the problem. But it does suggest that you should take a moment and look at the situation with a clear mind. All relationships go through hard times, and often they become completely broken. Although we hate to admit it, we usually know in our heads when a relationship has come to an end – even if our hearts are saying the opposite. Best to take a step back and look at all the events that led to the break-up. If you think there might a way to salvage the relationship, talk to a professional relationship counsellor. But be prepared for the fact that it may be over.
Allow Yourself To Grieve
You’ve tried to reconcile your relationship, but are now in no doubt that it is over. You might some relief now, but there will come a time when the whole situation starts to mess with your head. This might sound a bit weird, but breaking up a relationship creates many of the same emotions people feel during the loss of a loved one through death.
- Shock and Disbelief
- Anger and Bargaining
- Depression, Loneliness, Reflection
- Reconstruction and Working Through
Each of these stages will take as long as it takes. Some people get stuck in one stage – say depression – and that’s when they need to get control of themselves. Do not feel ashamed about reaching out for help. Nobody will think any less of you for trying to do the right thing.
It took me almost 10 years to reach the acceptance stage, but everyone is different. I had tried to run away from my problems instead of facing up to them. The day I called a mate and cried down the phone was the first step on my road to a new and better life.
This is YOUR LIFE
Getting back of control of your life and everything in it is your priority. Nobody should live a life of regret and bitterness, so get your head in a better place and get back out into the world. You only live once.
Leave behind all the bickering, arguing and ‘he said’ ‘she said’ bollox and start work on becoming a better version of yourself. The past is in the past and there is NOTHING you can do to change it. I’ve met hundreds of men who are caught in a cycle of bitterness with their ex-partners. It takes a minimum of two people to keep an argument going – so be the bigger person, and walk away.
Time really is a great healer
I used to laugh at that statement, but it is true. Any change in your life will require time for you to adjust and heal. Use as much time as you need, but don’t forget to live. It’s a huge world out there. Try not to get stuck in a small dark corner of it. Get out and explore. There is much more to you than you have ever known.