“Nothing happens until somebody does something.”
Having success in love is just the same as finding success in any other area of your life. When you are seeking a new job or promotion on work, it’s amazing how focused and goal-orientated you can become when you really have to.
The same should apply to your dating career. To WIN at dating, you need to come up with a PLAN.
If you are content to go to the same bars every weekend or visit the same internet dating sites every night, you are are going to get the same results. In short, you are leaving it up to chance – and gambling is the fool’s way. I prefer to treat my dating life the same way as I treat my business life.
SAME ACTIONS = SAME RESULTS
If you keep doing the same things, you should expect the same results.
Create a dating business plan
I hate cliches, but I do agree with the one that states: ‘Failing to plan is planning to fail’. A successful business relies on everyone working towards a common goal. The same applies to your love life. Everything in your life needs to be working for you, not against you. To help us do this, we need to look at the following points before we even start chatting someone up:
- There could be all the things you want to achieve (goals)
- A list of your best points (strengths)
- A list of the things you know you should improve (weaknesses).
- You would also note down any areas in which you have been successful or have noticed others doing well in (opportunities)
- Areas that you know you should steer clear off (threats).
- Your mindset – are you ready for love? (risk)
Goals – What do you want to achieve?
Goals should be clear and realistic. If your goal is to get out there and date someone’s wife or a famous celebrity, chances are you will end up frustrated and possibly in hospital. Your goals should be honest and true. What kind of person do you feel attracted to? Who do you feel comfortable around?
If you live in a small village with a population of around 100, your goals may be unrealistic. But that doesn’t stop you aiming for them. The point of this exercise is to get you to look at your current situation and understand what you need to do to get to the next stage.
Take some time to think clearly about your needs and desires. Try to look at them with an open and honest mind. Aim high, but keep it real!
Strengths – What do you have going for you?
This is your time to shine. We all have things that make us more appealing to the opposite sex. It could be your smile, your hair or your bank balance (lol). How can you use these wonderful things about you to attract someone who matches your goals?
Men can be very hard on themselves. Nobody is perfect! Please understand that. We all have lumps, bumps, and bits of ourselves that we wish we could change. But it’s those things that make you who you are! As we wrote in the post Dating Tips For Painfully Shy Men, your weaknesses can be your strengths.
Weaknesses – What areas of your life do you need to improve?
We all have things we know we should sort out. From hygiene to clothing, you could probably make a long list here – but don’t be too hard on yourself. For me, it was putting off the dentist for years! Eventually, the pain got so bad I had to make an emergency appointment. After a thorough examination, it was discovered that I needed another seven appointments to make things right, I am so glad I did as one of my front teeth was ready to fall out. Having a big gap in my smile would have certainly made my chances of dating success that little bit harder!
One of the things that really can put women off is the fact that some men lack basic hygiene. From washing their hair to cleaning their teeth, it seems many men are letting themselves down. If that’s you, get it sorted now! Also, covering yourself in body spray is no cure for having a daily shower or bath.
If you are concerned about your image (or haven’t really given it much thought), now is the time to be honest with yourself. It’s time to trash those jeans you have been wearing for twenty years or that t-shirt that is full of holes. Take pride in your appearance – and if you don’t have a clue, ask someone who looks great to help you.
Opportunities – Where have you been lucky in love before?
We are not knocking online dating, but there is a lot to be said for getting dressed up and heading out into the real world. Endlessly flicking through profiles on a site will not improve your chances of finding love and will probably end up making you reclusive and less self-confident. You need to get amongst people. Local bars, nightclubs, social gatherings, and places were like-minded people get together to have fun will bring you much better chances of finding love than staring at your phone.
Of course, a lot of that depends on your goals. If your goal is to get an endless stream of one night stands, then internet dating is probably the best choice for you. I would rather develop a meaningful relationship with someone. That only happens when you spend time in their company. If you watch the MTV show Catfish, you will know the dangers of falling in love with someone on the other end of a screen.
Threats – What should you stay away from?
If you enjoy the challenge of chatting up married women, then you are on the wrong website. Quite simply, you are an ar*ehole...
We have already covered internet dating sites, They are created to make money for their owners and it is a big industry. But it can be a dangerous way to go searching for love. There are loads of freaks and weirdos out there who trawl these sites looking for vulnerable people. I’m not trying to scare you off, but if you do decide to meet someone from an online chat, make sure you let someone know where you are going – and preferably bring a friend with you.
I tend to avoid nightclubs that have a high male to female ratio. They tend to be sleazy and competition can be fierce. You also run the risk of being ‘played’ – or being taken advantage of. If it looks shady, it is shady.
Your biggest threat is probably your own thinking. And that leads us to the next heading…
Risk – What does your mind say?
Every time we make a decision that is outside our comfort zone, we go through a risk assessment in our heads. Far too often we talk ourselves out of change and go back to the way we have always done it. As the old saying goes, if you keep on doing the same things, you should expect the same results.
This is a very important stage in planning for success. You HAVE to believe that you are allowed to find love. This is YOUR life and you have as much right as anyone else to be happy and satisfied. This is the time to examine any beliefs you may have and see if they are holding you back from being the person you want to be. Nothing is easy, but if you are bringing yourself down by your own negative thinking, then your chances of finding love are going to be very difficult. Read our post about Dating Tips For Painfully Shy Men for techniques to help you overcome any negative thought patterns you may have. We only live once – make it count.
Your Dating Plan
Although I call it a Dating Plan, it is not set in stone. The more you get out there, the more you will get to know yourself. The Plan is just a way of getting you organized. Your plan should be updated often. If you are serious about finding love, you need to give it some serious attention. Go through the stages above and try to look at yourself through the eyes of another. Don’t waste any more time flicking through cheap dating sites – you might get a hit – but it will probably end in disappointment. Instead, get off your backside, sort out your image and get out into the real world.
I wish you all success in your hunt for love and look forward to reading your comments below.