At some point in their lives, men have to give up the pacifier and go out into the big bad world on their own. Some men do this pretty early on in their teens, but others require permission from Mummy well into their 30’s and 40’s. Nothing wrong with loving and respecting your Mother, but there has to come to a point when you start to make your own decisions.
A friend of mine, let’s call her Karen, told me of a relationship she had with a guy who seemed like the perfect man for her. They would go on dates, share life stories and began to get close to each other as the months went by. But things changed when she talked about booking an overnight stay in another state. The guy, let’s call him Jack, said that he would have to check with his mum first… alarm bells started to ring. He was 28 years old!
Karen had started to suspect early on that there was something holding Jack back from getting ahead in life. He was always checking his watch or his phone, and Karen had wondered if he had another lover on the go. Turns out his other lover was his Mother. Nothing wrong with that, as we’ve said, but when every big decision had to be run past his Mother first, the relationship started to go downhill. Dates were cut short and on one occasion Jack made his apologies and left a cinema halfway through a film – leaving Karen sitting alone with two boxes of popcorn and half-melted slushy!
A lot of women would have walked away from the relationship at this point, but Karen really liked Jack – and she wanted to try and salvage things. She decided to turn up at Jack’s house to meet his mum. It didn’t end well. Mother was cold and blunt, leaving Karen in no doubt as to her opinion of her. Jack rarely spoke a word the whole time leaving Karen in a difficult position. She offered Jack a choice – try living life with her, or stay and live his life under his mother’s thumb. He apologized and said, ‘she didn’t understand!’ The relationship was over.
Now, I might seem like I am coming down pretty hard on controlling mothers – but men like Jack are actually quite common. Some don’t even know they are being controlled by their mothers’ invisible puppet strings. We all need to grow up sometime (and trust me, I hate that statement!). Part of that is learning to take responsibility for your own actions.
A new partner wants to feel that he/she has the whole you – not just the bit that gets time off for good behavior. So if you find yourself running all your personal decisions by your Mother, take some time to consider how that may affect your chances of a future relationship. Your mum will still love you no matter what.